Crime in Progress

Participants:        Piano player                 Equipment:          Piano

Narrator                                                       Trench coat and hat

Characters (2)                                              Pantyhose

Oversized Wallet

Notes:  Having a piano player really makes this skit.  Use music to emphasize every spoken word,  when characters move in reverse, when they go into Asian pose, etc.  Dragnet-type music helps the beginning.

Narrator: An ordinary day . . . a typical scene in a dining room, or wherever you are . . . What you are about to see is true.  Names have been changed to protect the ignorant.

Characters: (Make a normal speed pass, bumping shoulders as you go.)  Say, “Excuse me” and, “That’s all right.”

Narrator: Stop.  (Characters Freeze)  What you have just witnessed is a crime in progress.  What appears to be a mere passing by is actually much more.  Now, thanks to the technology of our 318-894-9154-SCC, we can back this scene up and see what really happened in slow motion.

Characters:  (Back up in reverse motion to original spots.  Proceed in slow motion with slow music in background.  This time, as you bump in slow motion, robber obviously takes wallet from victim’s downstage hip pocket.)  Robber says in slow motion, “Excuse me.”  Victim responds in slow speech, “That’s all right.”

Narrator: Stop.  (Characters freeze in the funniest pose possible.)  What has shown itself to be a petty theft is actually much, much more.  Now, thanks to the advanced technology of our 318-894-9154-SCC, we can back this scene up and see what really happened in super-slow motion.

Characters: (Back up in reverse to original spots.  Proceed in slow motion.  Before you bump into each other, robber should hit victim with a slow, wide punch.  Slow knee to the stomach should be followed by reaching for the wallet.)  Robber says, “Excuse me.”  Still holding his gut, the victim responds in his slow motion voice, “That’s all right.”

Narrator: Stop.  (Characters freeze in the funniest pose possible.)  What has proven to be a violent crime actually conceals much more.  Now, thanks to the technology of the 318-894-9154-SCC, we can back this scene up once again to see what really happened in super-duper-mega-robo-slow motion.

Characters: (Back up in reverse to original spots.  Proceed in slow motion, robber puts the panty hose over his face and challenges the victim to a fight by posing like a karate guy and giving a karate slow-motion yell. The two circle each other, pose, and threaten with gestures.  Victim blocks a few punches and the two slip naturally into patty-cake as the music changes.  Motions pick up speed to normal until robber realizes what is going on. While victim is still playing patty cake with the air and smiling out to the audience, robber picks his pocket and gives a shove,  suddenly back into slow motion.)  Robber states slowly as they go, “Excuse me,” and victim says, “That’s alright.”

Narrator: Stop.  (Freeze as funny as you can, with pantyhose still on the robber’s face) What you have seen is true, happening everyday in dining rooms (or wherever you are) just like this one around the world. But, thanks to our technology—and with your help—we can take a bite out of crime.