Many women’s ministries within local churches use at some time the “secret sister” idea to encourage women to minister to other women. Friendships have been formed and prayer warriors have been strengthened because of the implementation of this simple concept of women helping and encouraging other women. As with any women’s ministry idea, some ladies love being a part of a secret sister program, while others would rather encourage as the Lord directs them instead of within a stated period of time or confines of a program. Some women are natural gift givers; others are naturally creative. Some women are gifted communicators; others enjoy the mystery and secrecy that a secret sister program produces. But, then there are some ladies who feel awkward throughout the whole process. Why is this? How could a women’s ministry coordinator combat some of those feelings? While we know from Scripture that we are all commanded to encourage one another, we also know from Scripture that not every Christian woman has been gifted to be creative card makers, compassionate communicators, savvy shoppers, or world-renowned gift wrappers. What started out to be a good idea—secret sisters encouraging one another—turns into a contest for the most creative gift, the most gifts given, or the most money spent. Think carefully on how to combat these tendencies to make the program biblically successful.

Yearly Session / Drop off Idea

Ladies could sign up each December if they wanted to do the secret sister program. They would fill out the form and return it to the coordinator. The coordinator would make a copy of the forms to keep one on file and give one to the secret sister. Secret sisters were encouraged to do something at least once a month. To keep it anonymous, the church leadership set up a table in the vestibule where ladies could place gifts and cards. This table was also great for returning dishes from the potluck, dropping off a shower gift, or sending a thank you note. The ladies knew to check that table each week. In December, all of the ladies of the church had a Christmas party. This is where you revealed your secret sister by giving her a gift. It was always a lot of fun! The coordinator needs to make sure that she has extra gifts for people without a secret sister. Each year you signed up if you wanted to do it again. It was easy to step out for a year if you needed to.

Gift ideas

• An e-card
• Homemade desserts or snacks
• Candles
• A snail-mail card
• Fresh-cut flowers or plants
• Nail polish and creams
• Box of specialty tea or coffee
• Gift certificates or cards (put a limit)
• Photo album or picture frames
• Basket of relaxing bath things
• Coffee mug
• Nice cookie cutter with recipe and ingredients
• Set of placemats
• Writing utensils or journals
• Handbags/totes

Mug Idea

Exchange coffee/tea cups that are filled with a scroll stating information about the person. While enjoying your morning brew, you pray for her. Specifically, you can pray that she would be filled with God’s Spirit, His grace, and His comfort.

Monthly variety / Theme idea

Some secret sister programs have variety from month to month with the ability for women to sign up to participate or choose to not participate for that month. For instance, the following calendar schedule gives enough different, but affordable ideas that may be similar, but not identical. Some monthly themes could also follow the holiday of that month.

January = gift card month (put a limit on it); February = favorite drink month; March = greeting card month; April = Scripture-on-a-card month; May = favorite snack month; June = dollar store gift month; July = creative or comfortable sock month; August = kitchen utensil month; September = house décor month; October = favorite recipe month; November = thankful note month; December = ornament month

Biblical principles to apply

• There is a sisterhood within our local church whose bond is made possible by the blood of Christ. We are a church family.
• The word comfort in the New Testament is from the Greek word paraklesis. It means to come to one’s side in order to console or exhort. This word often relates to encouraging another during a grieving time. Other forms of this word mean to be capable or adaptable in coming to the aid of another, by becoming an intercessor or advocate. The very nature of this word means that we should adapt to the needs around us. In other words, we should live this phrase: see a need and then lead to meet that need.
• The Bible and the God of the Bible are effective parakleses for our aching souls. Romans 15:4-5; 2 Corinthians 1:3; 2 Thessalonians 2:16
• Some of the best paraklesis occurs when we share with others how we received paraklesis from God during difficult times. 2 Corinthians 1:4-7