by Ron Perry

Harsh things had been said to one another, and a strong spirit of contempt was evident in their looks, words, and gestures to one another. Conflict had been present in their home for many years, but it had hit an all-time high. Hurt and pain were evident, and both people realized that they were the cause of each other’s pain. It was in the realization of this self-inflicted pain that they asked the question seldom heard yet so crucial in dealing with conflict: “How did we get to this point?”

Most people want a quick resolution to their conflict, because they do not like its discomfort. But few are willing to truly examine the path to their conflict and how they got to that point. One man humorously put it this way, “Where two or three are gathered, you will probably find some form of conflict.” That statement has much truth, because conflict is going to be present when you put two people with fleshly natures together. So, the question managers must ask is, “How do I help people who are inevitably going to have conflict?” The answer to that question is in a simple theology of conflict found in Genesis
3 and 4.

While many of us would identify the first conflict between two people as that between Cain and Abel, the first conflict was actually between Adam and Eve when God confronted them with their sin. They experienced unity when they sinned and unity when they attempted to hide themselves; but when God began holding them responsible for their sin, they quickly started to cast blame on each other. As God dealt with this “conflicting” couple, He began by ascribing responsibility to its rightful place.

As managers who are grasping a simple theology of conflict, we must make sure that we are rightly ascribing responsibility and helping the conflicting parties see their own personal responsibility. My pastor teaches it this way: “Most people are not in conflict over what is right. They are often in conflict over each other’s rights.” Conflict happens when two selfish people want their own way and demand their own rights! Resolution and unity occurs when two parties lay down their rights and began to seek God’s way over their own way.

As we look at the Bible, it is important for us to realize that before there was conflict between Adam and Eve, there was conflict between Adam and God and between Eve and God. Conflict between men was preceded by conflict with God. With this sequence in mind, think about how a biblical manager should deal with conflict between two people under his management. Before those two people can resolve their conflict between each other, they must both be right with God. A biblical manager who deals with conflict will often look more like a biblical counselor than a manager. He is more interested in the conflicting parties being right with God than he is with just restoring productivity to the workplace.

Some people want to solve conflict by simply separating people— moving them to different rooms or re-arranging the office. My experience has been that simply moving people is often just a band-aid fix to a problem requiring surgery. Until people take responsibility for their side of the conflict and realize how to be right with God by laying down their rights and doing what is right, they will continue to have conflict wherever they move.

A simple theology of conflict is just a starting point. It does not answer all questions that managers deal with in regards to conflict, but it does give us a framework by teaching how we get to this point of conflict. May our theology keep our minds disciplined as we deal with the emotionally-charged instances of conflict that we most certainly will face.