The Foundation for Relationships

Have you ever been on a team where the boss could not trust his employees, in a classroom where the teacher cannot trust his students, in a church where the pastor cannot trust his deacons or flock? These relationships without trust produce an ineffectiveness that destroys productivity and ministry.

Have you ever been on a team where the employees could not trust their boss, in a classroom where the students could not trust their teacher, in a church where the deacons or flock could not trust their pastor? Unfortunately, lack of trust is as common in these relationships as those mentioned above, and the results are even direr. Trust is the foundation for relationships in which we work, live, and minister. As managers, we must understand the principles of trust and work to build trust in the relationships in which God has placed us. The following can be used as discussion points over multiple weeks for staff/team meetings so that you may build a greater depth of trust among your team.

Principles of Trust

▪ Trusting puts you in a place of vulnerability.

– Life is no longer based exclusively on your understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

– Your future is based on God’s will not yours (James 4:14-15).

▪ Trusting God gives confidence for eternity and for life (2 Timothy 1:12-14).

▪ Trust in relationships builds love and loyalty (II Samuel 23).

▪ Personal integrity is foundational for trust.

– God’s character is foundational for our trust in Him.

– David and Jonathan’s integrity produced trust in their relationship.

▪ Trusting God results in obeying God (James 2).

▪ Trusting God brings purpose, clarity, protection, direction, strength, encouragement, and perspective (Psalms 42-43).

▪ Although you can work at earning trust, ultimately it is given.

God is sovereign over all, yet some still choose not to trust Him.

When you look at these biblical principles as a whole, they form a foundation for living a life of trust. It starts with trusting God. When you trust God, then you realize that He is in control, and you can open your life to others. Trusting God is foundational for trusting others.

The consequences of having or not having trust are dramatic. The difference between a team that has trust and a team that does not have trust is the difference between a team that most effectively accomplishes its mission and a team that just survives (if it even survives). The following is but a brief list of results of having or not having trust.

Trust creates

▪ safe and meaningful relationships;

▪ freedom of cooperation;

▪ speed of operation;

▪ thriving environments;

▪ flexibility;

▪ completed purposes and missions.

Without trust

▪ motives will be questioned;

▪ more unnecessary rules and structures are created;

▪ relationships are broken;

▪ motivation to perform evaporates.

This leads to the question, “How can I build trust?” Although trust is ultimately given, some basic principles aid in building trust within the various relationships in which God has placed us.

General Principles for Building Trust in Relationships

▪ Understand how others perceive trustworthiness and seek to fulfill those expectations.

▪ Be trustworthy.

▪ Don’t consistently change details on people at the last minute.

▪ Do what you say you will do.

▪ Live with integrity.

▪ Be faithful with your current responsibilities (see the parable of the talents).

▪ Clarify and set clear expectations.

▪ Give opportunity for success, realizing this is also an opportunity for failure.

▪ Identify areas where you fall short, and grow in them.

▪ Since trust transfers from other areas of life (e.g., family, sports, church, school, hobbies), so interact on multiple levels.

How Can You Build Trust with Your Employees?

▪ Be a person of integrity.

▪ Motivate, don’t manipulate.

▪ Explain your reasoning for decisions so they may understand.

▪ Don’t react but wisely respond.

▪ Fulfill your obligations to your employees.

▪ Put their needs before organizational needs.

▪ Listen—and then listen some more.

▪ Make sure they know you care about them personally.

▪ Figure out what is important to them in building up or tearing down trust, then live accordingly (see Trust Perception page).

How Can Youth Workers Build Trust with Their Youth Group?

▪ Display unconditional love (remember that many of them come with a lot of baggage and have learned that authority can’t be trusted).

▪ Set clear expectations and don’t constantly change them.

▪ Do what you say you will do.

▪ Be consistent in your dealings with teens.

▪ Give trust. Don’t allow one teen to ruin it for everyone else.

Figure out what is important to them in building up or tearing down

▪ trust, then live accordingly (see Trust Perception).

How Can You Build Trust with Your Boss?

▪ Be dependable.

▪ Don’t manipulate to get what you want.

▪ Be a person of integrity.

▪ Be willing to communicate, especially the hard information.

▪ Don’t assume; ask questions.

▪ Figure out what is important to him or her in building up or tearing down trust, then live accordingly (see Trust Perception).

How Can You Build Trust with Your Peers?

▪ Don’t gossip.

▪ Deal with conflict biblically.

▪ Take an interest in their personal lives.

▪ Bear your share of the burden.

▪ Display personal integrity.

▪ Figure out what is important to them in building up or tearing down trust, then live accordingly (see Trust Perception).

If you had to evaluate your relationships right now, how much trust would be present within them? Are your relationships unstable because of the trust factor? Your relationships with your employees, teens, church leadership, church members, peers, and customers must be built on trust. If you take the time to build trust, you will have laid a sure foundation for relationships of impact.